All of our kids have been involved in sports since they were 8 years old. The teams were always decent, and often they were very good. I’m used to winning, and I enjoy it.
We’ve participated in Beach Breakers sports for a few years now. It’s a homeschool sports organization that plays in private school leagues in our area. This year I launched a varsity boys volleyball team. Seven of the nine players who came to the boys volleyball evals had never played before. I knew it would be tough to get wins. We went 0 – 9 and didn’t win a set. We lost to last year’s public school state champions 25 -2. We lost to the worst team in our conference in straight sets. There was a lot of losing … and it was so much fun that I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.
In sports, as in life, you need a goal. In sports, the goal is to win. That’s the common mission. It’s what holds the team together and gives everyone a purpose. However, in sports, as in life, you often learn more from failure than you do from success. We learned a whole bunch. For example, I learned that I don’t like losing. 🙂 We learned how to respond to mistakes. We learned how to deal with frustration, with each other and with ourselves. I learned that it is fulfilling to be a part of a team that is growing, learning, and improving. I scheduled difficult games against experienced teams, and those teams didn’t show much mercy. We all learned that nothing would be given to us. Davin has 3 more years of high school volleyball and when we win, we will have earned that victory.
When Lianne and I were dating we went out bowling with our families a number of times. I consistently beat her. It was frustrating for her, particularly when I’d manage to barely claim victory thanks to a spare in the 10th frame. I never let her forget about all of my wins, and that only added to her annoyance. She told me that if I was a good boyfriend, I’d let her win. I explained that if I let her win, then she hadn’t actually achieved anything. A real accomplishment would be beating me fair and square. See, I was teaching her a valuable life lesson by destroying her repeatedly. How could I let her win? That would be a disservice to her, and she would never grow as a person. She didn’t quite get it.
We found ourselves in another heated battle on the planks a few year later as husband and wife, each hoisting our solid, weighted, 3-holed weapon of choice. She had the lead going into the final frame and I only managed to knock down two pins while she finished with a flourish to beat me easily. She was ecstatic, gloating mercilessly in her victory. I calmly informed her that I had let her win because that’s what a good husband does.
On the volleyball court, if there is no challenge, and the outcome is known in advance, then the achievement is muted. There can’t be success without failure. That is, of course, what losers say. It is true, nonetheless. Every time we lost a set we learned and grew. Early in the season I was yellow carded twice for delay of game because I didn’t have my substitution patterns right. We served into the net, we forgot our rotations, and we didn’t trust our teammates. We made the same mistakes multiple times, but as the season progressed we progressed. We improved our play and our coaching. The improvement was easy to see and it was exciting.
Teddy Roosevelt said, “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” It is the journey, more than the destination, that moves us forward in life. A journey requires perseverance. Thomas Edison said, “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” I’m most proud of my kids when I see them struggle through something, often with tears and despair, only to emerge on the other side having conquered it. I saw the same thing in the volleyball team, minus the tears. We may not succeed, no matter how hard we try, but we will learn. If we quit, we learn nothing.
Sports aren’t only about winning and losing though. I don’t coach just to get trophies. It turns out that trophies will melt and burn in a fire as quickly as any other possession. (We know this to be true because we lost all of the 2017 JV girls volleyball trophies in our house fire.) I coach because I enjoy spending time with my kids. In fact, I enjoy teaching the whole team, building their confidence, and helping them deal with frustrations and friendships.
I played soccer and a little bit of baseball as a kid. Dad would coach sometimes. I’m pretty sure I played on teams that didn’t win very many games. I don’t really remember. I do remember scoring goals in soccer. I remember standing at home plate with a bat in hand and being scared of that one short kid who could throw rockets from the mound. Coach told me to stand in there. I had to overcome that fear. I remember Dad taking over as coach for one of my teams when the previous coach quit, and how proud I was that he was my dad. I remember Coach Beaver, who whistled in admiration when I was playing center fullback and booted a ball the length of the field. He was impressed with me, and I will never forget that feeling.
I hope the 2017 Beach Breakers boys volleyball team looks back with fond memories on this season. I hope they remember the time they stuffed that huge middle blocker from Cape Henry, the diving digs, the aces, the cheering fans, and the camaraderie. I pray that some part of what they experienced during the season will help shape them into young men who never quit, who know how to rely on others, and who can stand firm in the face of whatever negativity this world throws at them. I hope they look back on this 0 – 9 volleyball season and remember … it was so much fun that they wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.