The art of showing appreciation is underappreciated. How often do we tell those around us how much we appreciate them and why? It isn’t often enough. I’ve sat in many funeral services where friends and family members share about how wonderful and amazing their loved one was.
He was always willing to help.
She took care of me when I was sick.
I wish you could have met her.
This helps us remember those we’ve lost and is a way to share their life with others. But why do we only do this AFTER someone has died? We would have such an incredibly positive impact on our loved ones if we shared those feelings with them while they are alive.
For Lianne’s birthday, I asked some people to share what they appreciated most about her. As she listened to those encouraging words, she started to see herself through their eyes. She got to hear firsthand, how much they loved her and were thankful for her. Afterward, she said, “It makes me want to be a better person”
What an incredible insight! As parents and spouses, we often focus on the negative. We’ll use constructive criticism and negative reinforcement or maybe we just complain about the stuff that annoys us. When someone does that to us, we can use it for our benefit. We can recognize those specific areas that need to be worked on and try to improve. However, it can also destroy our motivation. If we can’t do anything right, why do anything at all?
Alternatively, when we see and hear how we are doing well, it reinforces those good traits and gives us the motivation to continue doing them. We want to live up to those ideals and expectations. We gain an awareness of how our lives are benefitting others and we want to do more.
I will talk to Lianne about how I admire different people in my life and I will talk to my friends about how amazing my wife is. That’s fine, but I’m treating life like a funeral service.
Instead of expressing my appreciation FOR someone, I should express it TO them.
“I’ve always admired the way your children show respect to other adults.”
“I like your sense of style.”
“You are such a great listener. I love having a friend like you.”
Those words are powerful. By showing gratitude we improve our own happiness and by expressing our appreciation for others we encourage them and spur them on to even greater things. This is particularly important with our spouses and children. We interact with them every day and we tend to take them for granted. Let’s take a moment and consider how blessed we are to have each other, and let’s express that appreciation more often.
I decided to share my appreciation for Lianne as well, so I made this little video for her. I’m so sweet.